Journeys of a Pregnant Virgin

Another week has passed, my fourth in Zurich, and each one seems to be passing more quickly. Indeed I just realized that I have had only one day off in the past twenty one, and this coming Wednesday will be my first day without any lectures, seminars, or interviews - in seventeen days straight! This is a little more than I bargained for when I arrived, although I could certainly do less if I wanted to. I did reach a point several weeks ago at which I decided that my criteria for what lectures and seminars to attend would be that I either had to be passionately interested in the topic, or to feel that they addressed a real gap in my knowledge of Jung. Any lecture or seminar that does not fit into either category could be missed. I think it is a good measure of how I can use my time most productively here.

Now that my Admission interviews are over I should feel a little less crowded and perhaps even manage to get to a concert before I return to Vancouver in two weeks. I did finally get out for dinner this week with Frederique, my friend from Paris, and we had a wonderful,juicy rousing catch-up visit over pizza and red wine. It was wonderful to visit away from ISAP and just be two women with strong similar interests and feisty, irreverant, and opiniated perspectives on some of the inner workings of our training institution and professional colleagues. Enough said. I realized how much I'd missed that kind of rapport with another crusty dame!

My too-busy schedule combined with very cold temperatures and some snow yesterday have meant I have also been far too sedentary in the past couple of weeks. I've been missing my long treks through the streets of Zurich but on Wednesday, my precious day off, I'm planning a long walk and wander, ending up perhaps at Spruengli in the late afternoon. Then Thursday will be the worst marathon ever, with twelve hours straight of lectures and seminars. (For those of my friends who are interested in the subject matter, my day begins at 10 am with a seminar on Individuation and Mysticism. At noon I have a planning meeting with two other students for a presentation in our 2 pm Typology seminar, followed by a dream seminar at 4 pm, then a lecture on Introduction to Psychiatry at 6, and an accompanying seminar at 8 pm. Of course I could skip the last two sessions but they will definitely deal with a major gap in my knowledge so I will go unless I am simply too knackered - I'm exhausted just listing them all! This sounds too much like I'm complaining, however, and I want to add that I also look forward to my first weekend off after that, with two and a half lecture-free days!)

Today was a day of Psychodrama in the form of Fairy Tale enactment, although we are again sworn to confidentiality. Rather than risk breaking my promise I will say only that I found it amazing and profound again, just as I did last semester. The experiential dimension is such an important and playful addition to all our verbal and book learning at ISAP. But the emotional dimension leaves me drained at the same time.

I am reflecting again on my lack of beautiful quotes to offer here, but the problem is simply that I have not had time to read anything but the pages required for various classes. Then again, I just recalled some lines by Marie-Louise von Franz that struck me as lovely and true.

"One can only help people to the best possible attitude, but it needs a miracle to heal the deep wound so that [they] can stretch out [their] hands when the waters of life bring the cure."

What a beautiful image - to stretch out our hands in faith that the waters of life will flow over them and heal us.

And - "People blossom in the surroundings of a woman who is in the right relationship with herself, because then she is rather like the positive mother-goddess who makes corn grow. But if the relationship with her own inner self is wrong, she is more likely to emanate the effects of the death goddess Hecate, and put a blight of death over those around. It is interesting to watch the effects one has rather than one's deeds."

Of course it is not always easy to find the right relationship with oneself. But what a worthy intention to carry in one's soul. I can't think of anything more important.

And so, happy to have found those lines again, I will sign off for now, with best wishes to all who enter here.

It's not quite a week since I checked in last but I have a weekend of seminars coming up and likely will not feel like writing at the end of the day. There is simply too much going on right now. Yesterday I had meetings, seminars, and interviews scheduled from 8 am to 9 pm, pretty much solid. When I woke up at 7 am to the alarm clock (which I hate and rarely have to do) and did not even have time to properly record a dream, I knew something was wrong with this picture. So I decided to skip my morning seminar and go for a long walk instead. With a forecast of very cold weather and snow to come, I headed to the Brockenhaus to see if I could pick up some gently used boots to tide me over the next few weeks until I get back to Vancouver. But I hadn't realized that this is the Swiss version of the Salvation Army, and while they had some very nice furniture (that would pass for antique in Vancouver) at great prices, the clothing was shabby and limited and I did not find anything worthwhile. The walk in sunshine at noon was lovely. Even so I felt crabby and spent during my final meeting last night, and could not wait to get back to the privacy and comfort of my little room.

Today I went to a morning lecture but again decided to skip Part Two in the afternoon. Instead, I took myself down to Spruengli Cafe and experienced the first snowflakes of the season, in the midst of bright sunshine - a strange combination indeed. It was nice to see the liveliness and animation on these normally sedate Swiss faces as big white flakes settled on their jackets and they squinted their eyes against the sun.

The good news is that I have only two more Admission interviews next week and then they will simply have to decide whether they want me as an official student or not. Not surprisingly, these interviews are not really "interviews" at all in any conventional sense. They are a combination of interview, screening procedure, and analytic hour. The process is strange, fascinating, unsettling, and surprising. But never boring.

I finally made it to the Five Rhythms dance class with Maya on Tuesday night. It started out well and I was enjoying the music and dancing quite a lot (even though it had a rather more intimate feel than I had expected - Maya says that is different every week), until a woman too caught up in her orgiastic dance experience and oblivious to those around her - including moi - smashed my poor bare little left toe with her heel. At first it just felt sore but then it really became painful and I could not put weight on it, let alone dance. By now it has turned several interesting shades of blue. So much for that experience! I can see potential value in exploring the Five Rhythms, but that class was a little too wild and uncontained for me!

My reading lately has not been of the quotable kind, alas, and so I have no inspiring words with which to close. But I will be on the lookout for next time. Until then, my best to all.

It is Sunday again and my first day without any seminars or other appointments in more than a week. I'm getting off to a late start this morning because my landlady, Marianne, had a dinner party to which I was invited last night and it was 1 am when the last guests left. I'm sure I have never before had dinner with a table full of academic chemists of various kinds and their language is almost as foreign to my ears as Swiss-German. But I liked the people - all in their thirties except the host and hostess and myself - and the food was wonderful, all the more so because I have been eating very simply and filling in the gaps with chocolate. I'm just not in the mood to cook much here in Zurich but it was wonderful to sit down to a delicious Greek dinner of roast lamb and wonderful side dishes and a decadent tiramisu to follow.

The weather here has continued to be beautiful, an almost guilty pleasure for me when I hear how much dreary rain Vancouver has had since I left. Many mornings Steve sets out for his walk and comes home soaked. Here the day often begins with a thick mysterious fog which gradually thins out and disappears entirely by noon, revealing slanted rays of a very golden sunlight that I particularly love. The beautiful soft and somewhat diffuse light here seems appropriate to the work I have undertaken, I think.

On Friday night and all day yesterday we had a "Demeter workshop" offered by three women from England who are also in Marion Woodman's Leadership Training Program. We explored the myth of Demeter and Kore/Persephone in a very personal way through dream imagery and movement and art. They put it all together in a lovely and loving way and I was excited to see how someone else is creating something new out of the study we have shared. It evokes my own creativity as a workshop leader as well - I have some ideas for the work Ursula and I do together that spring out of the work we did yesterday.

Unfortunately that is the second and last movement seminar we will have before Christmas but there is a six week Authentic Movement Seminar offered in January and I'm looking forward to that very much.

I just realized that I have not yet included a quote since I'm back in Zurich, and I thought of the following one from James Hollis who has so many good things to say and who will be speaking in Vancouver next weekend.

"...As we and our partners [and friends, I would add] are only fragile, frightened travelers, easily hurt and intimidated by the loud roar of the universe, we are all most needful of magnanimity of spirit. Touching, forgiving, accepting, comforting oneself and the other brings grace into this wounded world." (From "Creating a Life", p.137, since you asked.)

I think what touches me most is the reminder that it is ourselves we need to comfort and forgive as much as the other, especially the comforting part. I think most of us (including JH himself, I suspect) find it easier to extend that magnanimity to others than to ourselves. What a lyrical reminder that forgiveness begins at home!

And with those wonderful words I will sign off for now. Wishing all a good week to come.

After three and a half months at home in Vancouver I'm back in Zurich!

I'm pleased to be here but this semester already has a different feel to it than the last one, which had a leisurely and spacious quality to it that I loved. Now that I am cautiously but definitely moving toward becoming an "official" training candidate at ISAP, there is much to be done including six Admission Interviews over the next few weeks and beginning to look for a Training Analyst. I don't think I will have quite the same freedom to wander the streets and bridges of Zurich nor to visit Cafe Spruengli that I had last semester, alas. But I'm sure I will enjoy (more than) my fair share of Swiss chocolate as I work my way through the required readings for various seminars, so that is some consolation.

The semester seems more packed with lectures and seminars than the last one, and given that I am here for only six weeks before Christmas and then another six in January, I'm trying to get to as many as possible. There is also the chance to do some more Psychodrama one weekend, so it will be a very full time indeed. This online "Letter from Zurich" will hopefully serve the purpose of offering my friends on the other side of the ocean a little window into my Zurich experience. (And please don't hesitate to email me if you feel like it, same address as ever - Schiwy3@shaw.ca)

Today I finally feel back to myself again. Jetlag kept me awake for most of the first few nights and by yesterday I was beyond exhausted and could hardly keep my eyes open during the movement seminar I've been looking forward to so much. I don't know if I have ever slept close to twelve hours at one go before, but last night I went to bed at 10, got up to write down a dream at 7 am, then went back to bed and slept until 10! And got up feeling mighty fine! I've taken it slow today and made an enormous pot of soup (leeks, carrots, potatoes, rutabago, parsley, corn, and lentils) that will go into the freezer and provide many quick suppers after long days of classes. There is something so wholesome and comforting about chopping vegetables for soup and then smelling its aroma throughout the house. Thankfully my landlady agrees!

On Wednesday, my first full day here, a group from ISAP took several trains to see Jung's tower in Bollingen. We were greeted by a grandson of his who gave us some background and told several interesting anecdotes about his childhood experiences there. Jung's round stone kitchen was wonderful with its large open fireplace and stone floor and walls. It had a powerful primitive energy and I could imagine roasting meat in the open fire and then tearing it off the bone with primal pleasure. Who needs forks and knives and napkins? But that is as far as we got. I was disappointed not to see any of the other rooms because Jung kept building additions throughout his entire life and it all looks fascinating from the outside. His descendents still use it as living space, however, and so it remains private property.

I have several long reading assignments for the coming week so will close for now. My hope is to write at least once a week and again attempt to capture a few "bead memories" of my time in Zurich. One final thought: I still feel my inner Virgin "pregnant with possibility" as I delve deeper into the realms of psyche and soma here in beautiful autumnal Zurich. Let's see what the coming weeks bring.

Until next weekend, then, best wishes to all...