Journeys of a Pregnant Virgin

This feels like the beginning of my final stretch of time in Europe. Ursula arrives in a few hours and we will catch up and do some work in preparation for Body Soul Writing which begins next Sunday evening in Castelnau de Montmiral, in the sunflower-heavy, sun-drenched south of France. A new friend asked me recently, "What kind of work do you have to do? Can't you go in and teach it based on all of your previous experience? Well, yes, I could. But the process and the material would not be alive in me nor quickening my body and soul even before I walk into the first session. Preparing - first on my own and then with Ursula - gets me simmering and brewing, so that by the time we begin the course, I am on a rolling boil. Now I know that with the prospect of another very hot summer coming up this may not be the most appealing metaphor, but it is definitely how I experience the process. We will all boil together in both ways, if necessary.

Marion Woodman arrives in Zurich on Wednesday following her current "Black Madonna" lecture series in Einsiedeln, and Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday will be largely Woodman-oriented. Then Ursula and I leave on our twelve hour, four train journey on Saturday morning. When I return on July 13th, it will simply be to pack and clean and bid Zurich farewell, at least for now.

Yesterday I experienced one of the most exciting ISAP seminars to date. Ten of us plus the husband and wife analyst-teacher team met in their beautiful teaching studio in the lush rolling hills of Zumikon, just outside of Zurich, for an intensive day of Psychodrama. My closest previous experience had been the empty chair exercise in my Gestalt training (apparently Fritz Perls developed Gestalt therapy largely as an offshoot of Psychodrama) and Eleanor Barz's (the wife) Dream Seminar about 6 weeks ago where she used a bit of Psychodrama as well. My friend Kate in New York, a Psychodramatist herself, has long told me how deep and profound and fascinating this way of working with the psyche can be, and she is right. We did three psychodramas in the course of the day and the wonderful thing is that everyone was involved in each one, whether in a "main role" or just a part of the chorus (just to mix metaphors). I loved all of it, felt riveted the entire time without ever lagging even for an instant. I don't remember when twelve hours last flew by that quickly. We ended with a potluck picnic supper on their patio and drank lots of wine and laughed and got a little silly after the concentrated intensity of the day's work. I can hardly wait to do more. I may even volunteer to be the protagonist in one of the psychodramas next time.

I was impressed by the safe and respectful (dare I say loving) containing space Helmut and Eleanor Barz were able to create in the course of the day - no doubt in part due to their three decades of experience - so that the soul was never betrayed or injured, and the protagonist could stop at any point in the process if she or he so desired. I even loved the ritual elements of the process, which in themselves provide part of the sense of safety, signifying entry into a different kind of space.

Yesterday provided another richly-hued bead for my ever-expanding Zurich necklace. - And that is where I have been, inside and out.

I just realized it has been a record number of days since my last entry. It's not that I haven't thought about writing or flattered myself that some friends might be disappointed when they check and I haven't written in a while. It has simply been a very busy time in every way. The schedule of lectures and seminars has been packed; I have been doing some work in preparation for the course in France; and most happily of all, I had a lovely weekend in Paris with Yvonne. In fact, having just read her entry about the weekend, it almost seems redundant to write about it because she wrote such a beautiful and thorough account of those days. But I want to describe a few of my own bead memories.

The last time I was in Paris was in October of 1983 just after I arrived in England to begin my doctoral work. Nellie and Ken were travelling in Europe at the time and generously gave me a weekend in Paris with them as my MA graduation gift. My most vivid memory is of sitting in the cafe at the Louvre with Nellie while Ken tried to see it all in one afternoon. I do recall that Nellie and I saw the Mona Lisa and spent an hour or two wandering through that enormous building, and then, like any reasonable human being, headed for the gift shop and cafe to recuperate from all that high culture.

This time my hope was to wander the streets for hours, look and experience (we did), sit in cafes and watch the Parisian life passing by in front of us, and write (after all, we are Anais and Simone, although Yvonne informs me she is now Colette. I think I will remain Simone, who was such an important figure for me). We did not do that but we did a lot, especially given the tremendous heat wave that swept over Paris on Saturday and Sunday. The Cluny Museum of the Middle Ages with its original tapestries of the Virgin and the Unicorn was stunning. Finally to see that archetypal image of the unicorn with its front paws in the lap of the Virgin as it beholds itself in the silver mirror she holds up to it, as in Rilke's beautiful sonnet, such an integral part of our work with Marion Woodman - and the sheer beauty and power of all the tapestries in the series, was very moving to me.

And the Rodin Museum. Yvonne has already described how we wandered through the sculpture garden and I felt compelled to keep putting my hand inside the beautiful large hands of the figures he'd sculpted and hold and caress those graceful hands, often curved with some kind of tenderness that touches me deeply. What a rare delight to be able to touch the sculpture rather than be warned off. I returned the next morning to walk through the museum itself and saw some of his more famous works but also some lovely dancers I had not known of. And thought of my favourite figure skating pair, Gordyaeva and Grinkov, among whose last great performances before his untimely death at 26 was my favourite of theirs: a stunningly choreographed piece based on Rodin's gestures and postures. I believe it was set to Rachmaninoff but I'm not sure. What love of the human body and all its gestures is evident in his work.

On Saturday night we met Frederique, my feisty, sexy Parisian Jungian colleague, for dinner, after sitting in the Cafe Flores, in honour of my namesake, Simone de Beauvoir, who used to write there every day from 9 till noon and 3-7 pm, and drinking the most expensive cold drinks of my life (20 Euros for two diet Cokes and a lemonade)! Frederique took us to a favourite restaurant of hers with excellent authentic French food and of course wine, at very reasonable prices. Yvonne, who is an expert on steak and pommes frites, said they were the best she'd had in a very long time. I had quail simmered with onions and cabbage and probably more butter than I want to know, but it was delicious.

What a delight it was. I have been trying to live frugally these months in Europe because everything is so expensive but what a treat to splurge on a weekend in Paris. We were both modest in our purchases, limiting ourselves to one pair of shoes each, despite traipsing through the Galerie Lafayette and finding much to covet. And we dreamed and schemed about renting a little apartment for three or four months sometime in the next few years, and really soaking it all up in a leisurely way.

Now I really feel it is countdown. Ten more days before Ursula and I leave for France, and then it's homeward bound. And - despite my wonderful European adventure, I do feel ready to be back in Vancouver and with Steve and dear friends and family again. Yesterday I had a rare spell of feeling a little bleak, but today I'm back in good form and looking forward to everything ahead this summer. And then, probably, to coming back in the fall for more, although only time will tell...

I have been doing some wonderful reading lately and it's time to share some quotes again. More in DIVINE BEAUTY but also another book that has me very excited, SOUNDING THE SOUL. First, this lovely passage from the former, which delighted me a few days ago. John O'Donohue writes:

"Every heart is full of creative material. There are depths in us hungering towards the light. Many writers continue to excavate their childhood. For a writer, childhood can be a Grimms' forest of treasures, wonders and shadows. Childhood is that time of silence when the deepest impressions become imprinted. Everything a new infant glimpses is first intimation of mystery. The world is seen as if God were just creating it; it has the fresh scent of recent arrival. Later in life, when we begin to write, this is the kind of raw freshness and excitement of first intimations that we are seeking to recapture. The creative gift remains faithful to that rich strangeness of the world and the intimate strangeness of the self. As we journey through life, we gather a world around the heart. When creativity awakens, we discover that nothing is truly complete or closed in life. The deeper we attend to the soul, the more we realize what a treasure-house we have inherited."

What lovely thoughts, that "as we journey through life, we gather a world around the heart," and that the soul is a treasure-house yielding more and more richness, the longer and more faithfully we attend to it.

This has been a soulful weekend indeed. On Friday night I went to have dinner with Maya, the lovely Danish Body Soul Rhythms participant I mentioned in an earlier entry. We walked in the woods behind her apartment and talked deeply and at length about many things that matter most to us. And then she fed me a delicious meal. I will be there again in a couple of weeks when she hosts a potluck dinner in honour of Marion Woodman, to which the "BSR Ladies of the Alps" have generously invited Ursula and me.

Yesterday I dedicated to preparation, both internal and external, for the Body Soul Writing course in France. I began and ended with movement and the Proprioceptive Writing ritual. I'd invited Ursula to join me for the second one at 8 pm my time, 2 pm in Toronto, and so we wrote together across the Atlantic and then read to each other over the telephone. Just in case either one of us had forgotten how powerful this ritual can be, we were certainly reminded yesterday. And synchronizing our writing process is a gentle way to refresh our working collaboration in France again.

Today I met another BSR participant for brunch at Spruengli Cafe where we forwent (past form of "forego"?) croissant and butter and jam for a small bowl of Bircher Benner muesli, full of grated apple and berries. But lest I felt too virtuous, it had cream in it that probably more than made up for the croissant and butter I'd foresworn. Delicious, in any case. (And I will no doubt eat les croissants galore in Paris next weekend anyway.) Jodi and I visited for over three hours, strolled along the Limmat, compared impressions of the new ISAP program (she also studied in Kusnacht for several years) and thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. Then I came back to my little pad and have been alternating BSW preparation with chocolate breaks all afternoon. The sun is shining after a grey morning and the birds are offering a late Sunday vespers. And I think this is a good place to end. I will save the quote from SOUNDING THE SOUL for another time.

It's only a few days since I last wrote but having just read several friends' online reflections I'm in the mood to write a few lines myself. Yesterday Steve flew back to Vancouver. As we loaded his luggage into the cab yesterday morning I thought how nice it would be if he were being met by someone at the other end, and lo and behold, a dear friend of ours took it upon herself to surprise him at the airport and drive him home. So thank you, dear friend, from me as well!

It's quiet in my little apartment now. But I need this solitude and psychic space to reflect on all that has happened over the past two months and all that is still taking place - both externally, as I have described here over the weeks, and internally, which I have relegated to my private journal, not feeling comfortable revealing "soul material" in an open letter, which is how I have come to see these lines. Not that I haven't revealed some fairly personal material in my books, but that seems different somehow. Maybe it's the idea of putting it out into cyberspace that still feels odd to me. I'm not sure.

I feel good today. We had a wonderful and relaxing time together here, Steve and I, walking and exploring, going to lectures, eating too much cake and chocolate, and dancing most evenings to the music I uploaded onto this laptop. I think we are both pleased that Steve now has firsthand experience of my life in Zurich and some of the people I have described to him, as well as the loveliness of waking up to birdsong every morning. (In Vancouver, as he says, we hear mostly the harsh sound of crows.)

This weekend I want to immerse myself in Body Soul Writing preparation for France. Ursula and I have talked on the telephone once or twice but now we are each doing our own preparation and then we'll have a week together in Zurich before our 12 hour train trip to Gaillac. After being thrown back into student life here in Zurich, it's a little strange to think that in three weeks I will once again be the instructor. I know I will love expressing that part of myself again.

As I skipped down the two hundred stairs to the center of Zurich at noon today, I thought again how lucky I am to have these months (and probably more to come) to immerse myself in something so compelling to me (with some important exceptions I did not feel this kind of passion for my graduate studies) and to be part of such a lively community of people from all over the world. Since moving back from New York in June 2000, my life in Vancouver has been so rich and wonderful that I wondered if I was crazy to leave Steve behind and come to Zurich for more Jungian study. But now I think it may make for an even richer mosaic to combine both worlds and move ahead into the next few years in this way.

So maybe that is why I wanted to write today. I needed to express my gratitude for this rich opportunity and for Steve's support even when I know he'd rather have me at home in Vancouver. I'll be back soon.....

Is it really Sunday again, already? The past week has flown by more quickly than any previous ones, it seems, and in less than 48 hours Steve will once again be over the Atlantic, halfway home to Vancouver. And we will have another separation of more than five weeks. It has felt a little like a honeymoon being together here for these two weeks. We both have so much to get done in the next month or so that the time will continue to go quickly, but we will miss each other.

This afternoon we took a little cruise around the lake and enjoyed our coffee on the upper deck as we passed by all the picturesque and affluent little towns on the shore of Zurichsee. We cruised right by the C. G. Jung Institute in Kusnacht and I thought again how lovely it would be if ISAP were to reclaim it as the base of our training program (it's not impossible) with its beautiful garden and Festsaal lecture room right on the lake. It was a little cloudy and there was not much sunshine but relaxing nonetheless. Tonight we are going to have an Indian dinner not far from here and then there's only tomorrow left. I have to make a brief presentation in a morning seminar and Steve will again attend with me.

It is well past the halfway point of my time here now. In less than six weeks I'll be back in Vancouver and start my Summer Intensive teaching, both of which I look forward to with relish. Meanwhile, I have preparatory work to do for the Body Soul Writing course in France, and another presentation to prepare for a seminar here. (And of course there is Paris - don't forget Paris...)

On Friday there was a very interesting six hour experiential seminar focusing on body work, with Cedrus Monte, whom I met during her lecture for the Vancouver Jung Society a couple of years ago. It was so good to be working in that way again and it made me realize how much I miss the Body Soul Rhythms - because this comes closer to that way of working with the body than anything else I've experienced. I loved it, and felt a deeper kinship with the others in the group (six women and one man) than I have felt in any other seminar. I wish we could have a day like that every week and told Cedrus so. I know that my body, my entire experience is different when my body is fluid with movement rather than sitting in a chair for hours, my poor brain trying so hard to take everything in while my body and emotions protest at the forced stillness and rigidity. Unfortunately there is still not enough general interest and the Intensive seminar - "Body Awareness in Analytic Process" - that I was eagerly looking forward to next weekend has been cancelled due to low enrolment. And yet there is excited anticipation of Marion Woodman's visit at the end of the month - so perhaps her exploration of the integral relationship of psyche and soma will inspire some interest.

I feel these paragraphs are somehow "dry" but I will post them anyway and perhaps write something a little juicier another time! Steve is hungry and we are off to the Taj Palace for some good curry!