Journeys of a Pregnant Virgin

On Thursday I had my last exam, in Fundamentals of Jungian Psychology, and afterward I felt fully relaxed for the first time since I arrived in Zurich at the end of April. Yesterday was one of the sweetest and most peaceful days I have had in a while. I decided to do only what I wanted to, and what I wanted, it turned out, was a long talk with a close friend in Vancouver and then solitude, a long walk (which was somewhat thwarted by a second day of dark torrential downpours) and time to reimmerse myself in all three essays I've written in Zurich, with thoughts of where I might go from here in my writing. Another long talk with Steve, and Marianne had invited an old friend for dinner. We had a lovely meal together and good conversation. I am ongoingly grateful for the way I have been accepted into the heart of this home, and the new friendships have added something lovely and unexpected to my time in Zurich.

Now I'm counting down to my departure next Wednesday, with a lecture this morning still remaining, and mostly sorting, packing, and cleaning ahead in the next few days. My time at ISAP has been characterized by a very clear sense of "one semester at a time" and each time I've left Zurich at the end of term there has been a question in the background about whether and when I'll return. But this time it's serious. I truly don't know, which makes packing a challenge. Do I bring everything home, or leave my usual two boxes in storage?

My time here has been rich and deep in so many ways. But it may have run its course. I am hoping that my unconscious will show me the direction over the next couple of months, either through my dreams or through a growing sense of inner clarity concerning my next step. At 53 (and with a friend in hospital here after repeat cancer surgery) I am very aware of the preciousness of time, and there is so much living yet to be done. I don't feel I can really say more about this right now, but only that my dreams (for which I have growing appreciation, respect, and even love) seem to be pointing toward reserves of creative vitality and potential which I am very eager to bring into reality. Whatever form that may take, and wherever that may happen. I can say that the excessive rules and regulations of this Jungian institution and collective (quite antithetical to Jung's philosophy) have mobilized a kind of compensatory passion for freedom and self-expression that may prove to be one of the gifts of ISAP for me. I am usually simmering several ideas and projects at any given time but this seems to be a particularly fertile stretch and one of the tasks of my summer will be to get a felt sense of what is foremost and what will have to wait.

As usual my exam preparation has yielded many provocative and beautiful quotes. For example, Jung describes the "scintilla, the soul-spark, the little wisp of divine light that never burns more brightly than when it has to struggle against the invading darkness." I find this a beautiful image of the soul's passion to live its truth despite all the external and sometimes internal odds!

In another passage Jung writes of "Gideon's dew," or "the moisture that heralds the return of the soul," and describes intuition as the part of us that "revels in the garden of magical possibilities as if they were real." Which, in a sense, they are, of course. It is only the literal, rational mind that fails to apprehend that garden and robs our imaginal realm of its reality. I hadn't really thought of Jung's writing as poetic before, but the intense immersion of exam preparation has yielded many metaphors and turns of phrase that delight with their suggestiveness.

And with that, my friends, I leave you for now. If time permits I will sign off before heading home on Wednesday; otherwise, thank you for dropping by, be well during this first week of summer, and don't forget to step into the garden of magical possibilities sometime soon!

Marlene