Journeys of a Pregnant Virgin

It's Sunday morning again already and I'm enjoying my second cup of coffee after clearing up the last few dishes from dinner last night. I cooked an Indian meal for Marianne and Nick, my landlady and her boyfriend, and also invited Vicki, a new friend at IASP, from Maine. We had a fine and lighthearted time, and I definitely felt more "social" than I have since returning two weeks ago. I'm also pleased to have had two nights in a row of adequate sleep, having wondered when I would finally get over the terrible jetlag I experienced this time. My body and soul are finally in agreement with Zurich time, although part of me wonders how real time can be if we can manipulate it nine hours back and forth at will.

This was to have been my heaviest week with 28 hours of seminars, but I left one seminar after the first two sessions, which brought the hours down to 22. I still can't withdraw from a seminar without a pang of guilt because registration is considered a commitment and we are not supposed to pull out without good reason. But at the age of 52 I have decided that feeling bored and restless for two hours is reason enough, even though I never want to insult an instructor. At this time in my life I want to feel that my precious time is well-used.

(Most of what has been most meaningful this past week has occurred in the inner world which leaves me wondering what to describe here. Unlike some people who think of their blogs as on-line journals, for me this is - as I've reflected before - an open "letter from Zurich" but the line between letter and journal is sometimes fine indeed.)

I was quite sorry to see the end of my Thursday evening lecture and seminar series on "Introduction into Perception, Thinking and Action of the Psychiatrist." I'd expected a rather dry and clinical series of information-based evenings, and this was so much more. Apparently psychiatry here is very different than in North America. The instructor is also a professional psychotherapist although not a Jungian analyst - which surprised me given the importance he gave to dreams and archetypal elements of the healing process. It was purely fascinating, and my big regret was that I had to miss the third of five evenings, when he dealt with schizophrenia, highly relevant because of my brother's lifelong battle with the disease. Maya generously gave me her class notes to copy, but they can't convey the feeling-tone with which he presents case material and that to me was perhaps the most illuminating aspect of his presentation. For a psychiatrist to refuse to pathologize human experience and instead regard his patients and clients with such deep respect for their courage and survival strategies is quite remarkable. Beyond that, it is moving. He made no pretence of being untouched by the enormous suffering he encounters and told us that to do this kind of work changes your life - "You lose your innocence and you have no more illusions about life." But he also expressed the rich reward of seeing someone whose emotions have been frozen or carefully hidden away begin to reenter life, and the joy that comes then to both client and therapist alike. The other thing I so appreciated was that he insisted on including an experiential dimension each week so that we had just a tiny preview of what it might be like to work with someone with a serious depression or a major trauma in their life. That immediate link between theory and hands-on experience is missing in most of our seminars and it was such a valuable part for me. (I do feel it's a shame this is so unusual at ISAP. But enough said - I should probably be a little circumspect with these so public reflections!)

On a safer but also relevant (to me, anyway) topic, the weather has warmed up and in addition to some prototypical Vancouver wet and mild weather, we've had a couple of beautifully sunny days. I have been out walking more, and will head down to Stadelhofen shortly to meet up with another Canadian student-colleague for coffee. I have been enjoying getting to know more of my "classmates" and contemplating the evolving face of Jungian analysis as we go through our studies and begin our individual work as analysts in the wider world. Sometimes I feel like an older sister in the group, but yesterday I had a chat with a very lively and engaged 65 year old German woman, officially retired and pensioned, who was inspired by an 84-year old seminar leader to enter a new phase in her life and wants to work with geriatric populations in the future. I found that wonderful. It's one of the things I love about this work - there's no such thing as coming to it too late!

I still have no quote to share, I'm sorry to say. But I suspect that this will change soon because I have begun to do some very interesting reading. I'll keep you posted, so to speak! And with that optimistic premonition, I will sign off and wish all who read these lines a rich and fulfilling week to come.